Broken Crayons Still Color

So the other day I was scrolling through my Instagram, and I came across a post that read broken crayons still color. I sat on my bed for about 20 mins trying to figure out what the meaning was behind this quote and why it was on my mind so much. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I viewed the crayon as life and how we see ourselves. I know you're probably thinking that I done lost my mind lol, but I haven't — continue to read.

When we are born, we are like a brand new crayon straight out of the box. Just like that crayon, we are desired, wanted and needed. As we grow and learn life lessons we tend to break, tear and crack just like a crayon would. Sometimes we find ourselves not knowing what our purpose is or why things happen to us, but over time like that crayon, we tend to lose sense of what our value is and how useful we are. Why did I write this you ask? I wrote about it, because I'm trying to figure out at what point in my life I lost the  bright colours that I once used to see the world and why for a long period of time, the world appeared to me as black and grey. For sure getting my heart broken and feeling worthless has contributed to that, but why does it take someone to devalue us for us to go out and search for our self worth?

People would always say to me when I was going through my depression, "Oh Khai give it time, time heals all wounds and someday you will look back at this and laugh". I'm actually still waiting for that time to arrive, so if anyone could let me know roughly around when it will happen — it will be greatly appreciated lol. In the span of a few months, this roller coaster has taken me from depression to finding myself. I didn’t heal; I reflected and with that reflection I found joy and sadness but most of all — acceptance. I accepted the things I could and cannot change about myself and for me that was the best thing "healing and time" could have done for me.

I am a beautiful disaster, and my crayon is slowly piecing itself back together to become exactly what I want it to be. The days that I don't want to get up, I hear my heart pumping strong and I know that, that is the purpose, value and color that reminds me to keep going.

Thanks for reading
The chronicles of a Funny, Fat and Fabulous Chick xoxo

The Epiphany

You know when you reach a certain age and you find yourself needing to grow up? Well

I am at this point in my life. On my 26^th birthday I realized a lot of things about myself

and not a in a good way I might add.  I mean at 26 years old I should have things in control, I should know who I am and what I stand for and what I plan to accomplish, but I couldn't see it. So after spending about an hour and a half crying my eyes out in my best friend car, I came to the conclusion that I am fat,​ ​broke and severely depressed. Don't get me wrong I have a good life, I think that I just got too comfortable with the things that I knew I c​ould ​change. 

Then I thought to myself “Khai” (Oh yeah that’s my name by the way lol) “Yes Self” I answered “Why do you think your fat, broke and depressed” and I could not answer it for the life of me.

I mean, I have friends I am quite social with a beautiful personality, funny as hell and have always been "The Fat Chick" in my group of friends and I was OK with that. I  have never ​tried​ to be anything other than me​;​I love food​ - I mean​ who doesn't​?​ I just think ​that ​my love for food has become a boyfriend​ that ​I just can't get rid of​,​which I think has contributed to me being fat LOL.

So if I could see these good qualities in me why does my life feel like it is in a state of chaos? I realized at that point I needed to change my way of thinking and put a plan into action. So I made a list and checked it twice (hence the Christmas reference lol) of things I needed to do and change in my life and I t​hought ​I ​would share it wi​th ​you guys.

 Khai's Lists 

. Lo​​se 90 pounds (Break up with my Boyfriend)

. Try to save around 10,000 dollars

. Cut off all my hair and go natural (which I have a ready done)

. Get a drivers license

Seems like a lot to accomplish in a year huh?​ ​Well I look at it like this ​- ​I may succeed or I 

may fail miserably but I ​would have at​ least tried​ and followed through with something for once in my life. ​

 

​

So in the mi​d​st of me trying to change my life and finding out who I am​, ​I t​hought ​you guys might enjoy coming along on this crazy ride with me. 

 

​This blog has become my new diary​;​who knows what can happen​..all I know is ​​I may inspire someone do something great​.. ​​​I m​ight​ annoy the hell out of my readers or you may genuinely enjoy it​. Either way I would have done something great​ - for me. 

Thanks for listening and reading

Signed

The chronicles of a  Funny, Fat and Fabulous chick  xoxo